Oooooo Week

O week - or the week where I didnt think uni was going to start, but it really really did.
Whilst I hope the rest of my journal will be slightly more succinct and articulate, for my O Week entry (which I do think is worth including)  I will be including my streams of consciousness from that time.

BRITTA - MINDFULLNESS AND ME

My first realisation after this rather confronting physical exercise, where by we invaded the personal space of a stranger, and they, us, was that I seem to trick myseld a lot to helo myself out of confronting situations. At first I tell myself all these things that would help me feel less vulnerable. 'I'm sure he's a nice guy, he won't be looking at me in an untoward manne. Oh it doesn't even matter I'm just wearing ovealls; oh my god there's food all down my front, he's going to know I'm hungover, I'm a mess, oh ok we're moving a little closer together now, I can't really hide the truth about myself for much longer... what is the truth about myself that I want to hide? That I have no self control? I have no idea how to channel. If I can get to the bottomof this perhaps I can also start to understand my creative expression. I feel like perhaps even my work up until this point has been a brilliant diversion. Escapism via escapism. FASCINATING!'

I start to think of my favorite writers, why does Charlie Kauffman consistently write about a man failing in all aspects of his life, until a unique psuedo sexual experience promises new perspectives that it never actually delivers, or why is Wes Anderson all about the middle-child-adult-baby? 

Who am I ? and more importantly. How am I not myself?